Skull Mountain
New, Unpublished
The people of the town loved Skull Mountain. The mouth of the gigantic skull was agape, and people picnicked and played badminton on the huge teeth. The nose hole housed a population of bats, which flew out every evening in an impressive display. Skateboarders rode up and down in the eye sockets. Mountain climbers planted their flags on the crown, and then rappelled down the forehead.
There was a big hole in one side of Skull Mountain, and legend said it was from a gunshot by a jealous lover. When the wind blew through the hole, the skull seemed to moan.
The big celebration each year was Cranium Days. Hot-air balloons, painted to look like eyeballs, would float out of the sockets, trailing long twisted ribbons that looked like nerves. Fireworks would shoot out of the ear holes. Cranium Days was a time of merriment and romance. Children born nine months later were referred to as “skull babies.”
One year some local teenagers, as a prank, attached some devil horns to the skull. But the horns were so small compared to the skull that not many people noticed. Eventually the horns fell off.
The town was proud of Skull Mountain, and passed an ordinance to preserve all aspects of it. That included Indian petroglyphs, inscriptions from pioneer days, and even spray paintings — including the eight-foot-tall reproductive organ.
There would be controversies. Skull Mountain had a big, cigarette-shaped rock formation sticking out of its mouth, and one year it fell off. The Town Council debated whether to restore the “cigarette,” but decided not to, for health reasons.
Tourists came, and the town prospered. Other towns tried to claim they too had a skull mountain, but it would just be vaguely head-shaped. One town renamed its mountain Skull Mountain, even though it had always been known as Potato Mountain.
One day a strange-looking old man, with wild white hair, showed up in town. He said he was a “geologist,” and the town must quit its frivolous ways or Skull Mountain would punish them. He admitted that even if the townspeople gave up their frivolous ways, the mountain would probably still cause destruction, according to his calculations.
Some people believed him, and gave up socket-skateboarding and guano fights. A few even joined him, becoming geologists. But most people ignored him.
Then, as the old man predicted, tragedy struck. There was an huge earthquake, and the mouth slammed shut, crushing several holidaymakers in the molars and wisdom teeth. Even worse, the earthquake continued, causing the mouth to “chew” the victims.
Rescue efforts were futile, the skull being so massive. After a few weeks, the gas from decomposition of the bodies built up, and the skull emitted a tremendous burp.
People grew to hate Skull Mountain. Some wanted to blow it up. But then a strange miracle occurred. The earthquake had loosened an underground spring, and water flowed from the eye sockets. The skull was crying. Skull Mountain was forgiven, and the locals clambered over it even more.
The town put up a plaque at the base of the skull with the names of the earthquake victims, but otherwise people forgot about them.